Category: writing process (Page 6 of 14)

The Next Line

A Year of Writing Dangerously by Barbara Abercrombie was okay as far as these kinds of writerly books go. I bookmarked a bunch of quotes (usually from other writers whom Abercrombie herself quotes), but what I really liked were the writing exercises at the back.

Fifty-two exercises, presumably one for each week of the year. I’m a bit of a sucker for writing prompts since I started giving my students a prompt every day for their notebook time. I couldn’t possibly make up a writing prompt every day for my students, so I started borrowing (stealing?) them from other sources.

I am no longer teaching, but I’ve gotten into the habit of seeking out new prompts to steal. Sometimes I use them myself, other times I don’t. If I don’t like a prompt from a book or article, I just ignore it. But more often than not, even a prompt that doesn’t instantly thrill me can be fruitful. If I force myself to write something for a prompt — even one I don’t find particularly inspiring — I often end up writing something interesting, maybe even good.

This is evidence of the theory that parameters and boundaries lead to creativity. Total freedom doesn’t always lead to the most creative art (though sometimes it can… I’m not a big believer in absolutes when it comes to creativity, writing, making art, etc. Sometimes total freedom can lead to something wildly creative, and other times not. And sometimes parameters and boundaries are stifling and kill creativity. There are no absolutes).

Anyway, these prompts from the Abercrombie book are pretty good. Short, simple in their directions, but pretty wide in their application and execution.

I started with the first one: “What is your own metaphor for fear of writing that first line? Imagine a landscape or animal or weather or music or whatever springs to mind.”

I did modify a bit. Instead of “fear of writing that first line,” I changed it to “fear of writing that next line,” because for me, first lines are easy. Someone in a setting with a problem. Or something provocative. Or a question.

(Not a literal question, like a rhetorical question or something, but a line that raises a question, i.e.: “The dung heaps were always spouting poetry,” and then the reader is like, “Huh?” and they want to find out the answers, like how is it possible that dung heaps can even spout poetry, and then, furthermore, why would they spout poetry of all things? What kind of poetry? Is anyone listening to it? That sort of thing.)

Anyway, first lines are not my problem. It’s next lines. What comes next after that provocative statement or that someone in a setting with a problem. That’s where I struggle.

Because next lines mean you have to deliver. You have to answer the story questions in a satisfying way, in a way that makes readers oooh and aaah. That is ridiculously hard. And terrifying. All the promise of the first line and then you shit the bed. It’s my biggest weakness, this fear.

First lines are the open road, the horizon off in the distance. There’s the promise of adventure, of revelation, of greatness. But the line that comes after — the next line, always the next line — that’s like finding out the horizon you were heading toward is just one of those Looney Toons landscapes painted on the rock wall. It’s like finding out you’re Wile E. Coyote going splat.

All this time I think I know where I’m going, I’m excited for the journey, and then BLAM! I hit a wall. That feeling of promise, that endless horizon was all just a trick. I was really headed for an illusion, a vision of greatness that, in reality, was the side of a mountain. I’m worse than lost: I’m splattered like roadkill on the rock.

See, lost isn’t bad. Lost means you can find your way. The detour or digression could turn into a fun episode.

But the splat? That’s a total dead end. It’s embarrassment. I thought I knew what I was doing, but that next line is just waiting there to prove to myself and my audience that I suck. What happens when I write that next line and go splat? I slide down like a glob of jelly or a flattened pancake: defeated, ridiculous, a fool. We laugh at Wile E. Coyote, and that’s exactly what I fear. The embarrassment of failure.

Interestingly, the Coyote always runs full-throttle at that painted vista. Time after time after time. He never learns. It’s like he’s immune to embarrassment. Or has short-term memory loss. Either way, the splat doesn’t stop him. Every time, he’s right back at it, chasing the Road Runner down that endless road.

I’m not sure if this gives me comfort or not. But it’s a metaphor for something.

Reading Challenge Update:

Day 7, did more morning reading than evening/night reading today. Maybe this is the start of a trend. Reading at breakfast, before I start my journey downstairs to write and edit. In the past I’ve resisted morning reading because I feared that reading someone else’s work would interfere with ideas for my own work. But if I’m honest with myself, my mind is pretty blank in the morning. I’m often an empty vessel. So maybe morning reading is good: It’s a way to fill up the tank.

Zesty

Have been reading Lawrence Block’s A Writer Prepares and loving it so far. It’s about his earliest days as a writer in New York in the 1950s, writing a bunch of stuff under pseudonyms. What I love the most — besides Block’s very funny conversational style — is the way he describes his writing process and the sheer energy he brought to his work at the time. It’s inspirational to me. I realize that I very much want to be a pulp-style writer who writes quickly and with gusto. I’m reminded of Bradbury’s working habits too, his furious energy and joy. Bradbury calls it “zest” in Zen in the Art of Writing.

The question I keep coming back to is this: How do I write with more zest? How do I sit down in the morning and by the afternoon have an entire short story written? How do I write 4,000 words per day (or more) like Block and Bradbury and the rest of these pulpsters?

Of course, the simplest answer is, “Sit down for four hours and write four thousand words.” But I don’t have four hours, not really, most days. I could probably piece together that time if I took every spare minute I wasn’t working as an editor or taking care of my kids or my home, but most of my free hours are after the kids are in bed — when I am a living zombie and my brain can’t string more than three words together — or in drips and drabs throughout the day (also, a girl has got to eat sometime).

Unfortunately for me, my brain can’t sit down for only five minutes and start writing fiction. I need a bit more time to gather myself, to clear my head, to reenter my manuscript (this last one is the most important… I need at least five minutes to reread what I wrote previously before I can get back into the story). Maybe this is my fatal flaw, I don’t know. But my brain just doesn’t work that quickly.

So if I have, let’s say, ten minutes free time (this is the average length of time between the fights my kids have over toys or whatever). I sit down at the computer, reread what I wrote. That’s five minutes of the ten. Then I start writing for five minutes. Cool, I get about fifty words written, one hundred if I’m lucky. But then I’m called away by my kids or a household chore. I might not have another ten minutes again for the rest of the day. Having little kids means not having a set time when I can sit down to write. Little kids means a life of flux.

It’s not a great plan for finishing a short story in one day (unless it’s super-duper flash fiction). And it’s not a great plan for writing a novel at pulp speed. Sure, I can write one hundred words a day and eventually finish something. And there’s nothing wrong with doing that. Maybe that’s what I have to do. I have done that before.

But I long for the Lawrence Block/Ray Bradbury life of writing entire stories in one day, of writing at a furious speed.

I can try to get up early, before the kids wake up. But due to several issues (one of which is that I’d like to spend time with my husband in the evening before bed, so I can’t go to bed before 10:30/11:00 p.m. if I want to see him and talk to him; my kids have a rather late bedtime of 9:00 p.m.), I can’t get up too early. 6:30 a.m. is probably my earliest wake up time. So from 6:30 to 7:30 a.m., if I can peel myself off the bed sheets, I can write without distraction. Not exactly four hours, but it’s something.

In fact, I did that today. Got up at 6:45ish and headed down to the computer by 7:15. Did I work on my manuscript? Yes.

I wrote one sentence. One.

My brain just wasn’t functioning. I didn’t have the zest.

How can I get the zest? How can I cultivate it? This is why I can’t seem to be a Block/Bradbury-style pulpster writer. I had thirty minutes to write fiction, and I could only manage one sentence. My brain is pretty useless in the morning, apparently. It sucks that my ideal writing time is neither early in the morning nor later at night, but right smack dab in the middle of the day when I need to take care of my kids and get my freelance work done.

But what this morning’s one-sentence affair shows is that time isn’t really the issue. Yes, I was tired this morning, and yes, I couldn’t manage more than a sentence. But what really stops me from writing swiftly and with wild abandon like Block and Bradbury is fear. I can’t be zesty and write with gusto if I’m afraid. That’s the real problem. Fear.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to let go of the fear. Should be easy, right? (This is sarcasm.)

What am I afraid of? Fear of writing something bad, which is almost always the fear for writers. Bad can come in different flavors: using the wrong words, writing a stupid idea, sounding like a fool. Bad can mean writing something totally derivative and unoriginal. Bad can mean boring (the worst crime of all). Bad can mean incoherence or a canyon of plot holes or one-dimensional characters. That’s the fear. Fear that I’ll write something bad and be judged for it. And that judgment can come from others or it can come from myself. I can hate it or others can hate it, but either way, I’m afraid to be judged.

This is where the process mindset stuff comes in. Focus on process not product. Who cares if the finished product is terrible, what matters is the process. Enjoy the process!

I keep telling myself this. Because I do enjoy the process. I love the process. I love thinking up stories and images and characters and writing down what’s in my head. I can’t think of anything I love more (except maybe reading books, but reading books and writing books are like two sides of the same coin).

But my process, despite my best efforts, is a slow process. I need time to get back into my story. I need time to think and ponder and daydream and let stuff simmer, and maybe all of that is just my way of dealing with my fear, but I don’t think it is. I think that’s just how my brain works. Or not. I don’t know.

I do know that it really helps to be thinking about my story all day long, to be listening to music, to be daydreaming while washing dishes or making lunches. What gets me stuck is when I let my story drift into the background and all the other anxieties and responsibilities of the day take over. I can’t be zesty on command, when my butt hits the chair for ten minutes a day. I need to stay zesty all day long. I need to make the whole day part of my process, even as I’m doing other stuff, all the survival stuff like feeding my kids and making money from my day job. I still need to keep my story in mind, still need to let my imagination wander.

I want to restart my morning writing habit, my 6:30-7:30 butt-in-chair time, but in order to write more than one sentence, I need to be thinking about my story all day long. If I’m caught up in my story — in the process of making stuff up — then hopefully I won’t have time for fear. If I’m having fun all day using my imagination, then the anxieties about judgment can’t creep in. Zesty is a state of mind, but it’s also a habit of being. I need to stay zesty all day by living in my imagination all day. Then, when 6:30 a.m. rolls around — or those ten minutes of free time — my brain will be ready.

That’s the theory, anyway.

Guilty/Not Guilty

I sat down to work on my fiction this morning, but I ended up doing a lot of writing in my notebook instead. Some fragments/thoughts about the morning walk with my daughter (something that’s becoming our daily ritual), some thoughts about plot structures (and the manuscript I am editing for a client), some thoughts about my own works in progress and what plot structures they follow, and then I took a bunch of notes on the Michael Moorcock system for writing a novel in three days.

I’d read about Moorcock’s system before, but today I felt like copying it down into my writer’s notebook so I could internalize it. Not that I’m planning to write a novel in three days, but I appreciate the way Moorcock breaks down how to structure and think about narrative. I especially love his idea of generating a list of fantastical images that employ paradox as a way to make something memorable and interesting (ex. “The City of Screaming Statues”).

Anyway, I didn’t work on my fiction at all during my morning “writing time.” There’s a part of me that says, “Wasted time!” and beats myself up for not adding words to my manuscript. But there’s the other part of me — the idler and reveler — who thinks mucking about in the notebook is both fun and necessary to my creative life. All the things I wrote in the notebook will help me later on — whether it’s later today or tomorrow or next week — giving me food for thought regarding my fiction work. Not “productive” in the strictest sense, but productive nevertheless. Sometimes I need to approach my writing “sideways” — not head-on but through the alleyways of my writer’s notebook. These alleys and byways set the stage for my later productivity in the manuscript. So it feels like I’m slacking, but really, I’m turning over the compost heap and making the fertilizer.

Daily Blogging?

Can I get back to daily blogging? Would it be worth it? There’s a part of me that thinks, “What’s the point?” since nobody really reads my website, and the time devoted to daily blogging might be better spent elsewhere (like soliciting new editing clients…), but then I think about the joy I get from hitting “publish” and seeing my blog post go live to the world. Sure, nobody will read it (except my husband, maybe), but there’s something satisfying about being able to write a few thoughts, ramble a bit without any direction, and then hit publish.

I have loved the act of blogging since I first discovered it more than fifteen years ago. I have always preferred blogs to any of the other social media that have sprung up afterwards. Yes, I do have a newsletter (I’m on Substack like everyone else), but the blog is a different kind of space. It’s more intimate, somehow. And it’s a lot more like a playground. I’m just doing whatever, no pressure or purpose other than to muck around. I’m not doing this blog to make money; no monetizing or ads or anything like that. I just want to write and explore and post it for other people to see. Even if no one sees.

Maybe daily blogging wouldn’t be worth it. Maybe I should be doing something else, something more “productive.” There’s an argument to be made that I should spend these fifteen or twenty minutes a day working on my fiction instead. That’s probably the most persuasive argument against daily blogging. I love to write fiction, and I should always be doing more of it if I can. I have novels and series that need finishing. I have readers who are waiting for new books.

But—

As much as I love writing fiction, blogging uses a different part of my brain, a different writing muscle, and I want to use that muscle. Blogging has a way of helping me with my fiction. It gives me a chance to get words down on paper, to open the floodgates so to speak, so that all of my writing — fiction, nonfiction, journaling, copy writing — becomes easier. There’s this weird phenomenon where words beget more words, and more words beget even more words, and if I’m writing on the blog, suddenly I’m writing more fiction, and if I’m writing more fiction, I suddenly have words I want to add to the blog. Instead of the blog taking away from my other writing, it almost ends up feeding it.

Time, of course, is the most precious commodity, and there will be days when I don’t have enough time to let all the words out that I have bubbling up inside, and so I guess on those days, one type of writing will be sacrificed for the other. Maybe some days I only blog or I only write fiction. But I gave up my teaching job precisely so I could have more time for writing, and even though time is still scarce (I have young children, after all), I have more freedom now to use my time as I will. Even if it’s just for five minutes, I can use that time for blogging.

It’s not really the time that matters anyway. It’s the desire, the will to do it. If I say I want to blog everyday, then I can do it. If I say I want to write fiction every day, then I can do it. Even one minute is enough.

I think that’s why I want to start blogging again. It’s another way to write, another way to get words on the page. And words beget more words, and more words, and more words. For a writer, that’s a good thing.

3d6, straight down the line

Lately, I’ve been rolling up zero-level characters for DCC RPG. Not for any reason, really, just for the fun of it. It’s weirdly meditative. Roll 3d6, straight down the line,  and see what unbalanced, horrible/incredible stats ensue. Then roll for birth augur, occupation, random equipment, and copper pieces and bingo! Instant player character.

Why is this kind of character creation so satisfying? I think it’s due to the randomness of it. The character that begins to take shape, with her 16 strength and her 7 luck, her beggar bowl and her random candle, all leads to a low-pressure but satisfying imaginative exercise. I have to start making sense of this weird and sometimes contradictory amalgamation of numbers, stats, equipment, and info. Why was her birth augur “conceived on horseback”? What’s the story with that?! Why does she have such high strength and such low luck? Where did she get the candle and what was the last thing that someone dropped in her beggar bowl?

I’m not planning to use the character for anything, but even if I were going to run her through a funnel adventure, the whole thing is still very low-stakes. I can let my imagination drift through this hazy fictive world and spend a few moments dreaming up an entirely new  person. There’s no real purpose, it’s just me playing a game. And when I’m done, I feel both satisfied and energized. The combination of rolling dice, checking charts, and drawing the outlines of a fictional character all help me chill out and relax.

And yeah, I need to relax. Often, when I sit down to write or work on my fiction, I’m tense. “It’s getting late, I only have twenty minutes,” or, “I have no idea what to write and it’s gonna suck.” I sit down tense. Pressured.

I hate that.

I know Bradbury’s advice: “Relax. Don’t think. Work.” But I really struggle with the “relax” part. I can’t get past my perfectionism, and I’m always under the illusion that I’m running out of time.

So. I grab my 3d6, some percentage dice, a d24, a d30, and 5d12, a pencil and paper, and suddenly I’m in the midst of CHARACTER CREATION: such a simple process and yet the possibilities feel inexhaustible. It relaxes me, let’s me do something with my hands, let’s me explore a little corner of my imagination without worry or pressure.

Whether I play these characters or not doesn’t matter. They didn’t exist a couple of minutes ago, but now they do. A handful of random rolls and a new character came into being. Where once there was nothing, now there is something. It’s that simple, and it’s awesome. It might not seem very creative since the entire process is so formulaic and random, but I’m gonna go ahead and argue that it IS creative. As the dice fall and the stats gets filled, my brain starts to take over inventing and filling in the blanks. The numbers on the paper don’t really make the character; I do. Through my imagination, the character becomes a character and not just a series of game mechanics. This is what I love about randomization. It isn’t a substitute for creativity and invention: it’s a tool for creativity and invention. It allows the player to synthesize disparate elements, and in that act of synthesis, the player engages in the highest order of thinking and creation. All thanks to a roll of the dice.

A Book Within a Book

In one of my current works-in-progress, Avalon Summer, the main character, a young girl named Sarah, finds a book that captures her imagination. She starts to see parallels between the book and things in her own life.

Anyway, as part of the story, I make reference to chapters from the book, as well as story-lines and characters. Today, I decided to come up with titles for each chapter in the book, just in case I wanted to use the chapter names in my story.

Well. Now that I’ve made the chapter names, I’m starting to get excited about this made-up book. It’s just supposed to be a plot device in my novella, Avalon Summer, but the chapter titles are so evocative that they make me want to write THIS story too.

Is it a good idea to write a book that will then play a role in another book’s plot? Does that even make sense?

Here are the chapter titles for the totally-non-existent novel, The Gates to Illvelion, which I created as a plot device for my in-progress novella, Avalon Summer:

Chapter 1: “Faerie Night”

Chapter 2: “A Heart Wrought with Spells”

Chapter 3: “Gwenhivar‘s Choice”

Chapter 4: “The Glass Pool of the Hidden West”

Chapter 5: “Oak Abode”

Chapter 6: “Gallien, the Unicorn”

Chapter 7: “The High Cliffs of the Mud Lord”

Chapter 8: “Agravaine’s Curse”

Chapter 9: “The Never-ending Melody of Night’s Enchantment”

Chapter 10: “The Blood Sword”

Chapter 11: “The Iron Key”

Chapter 12: “The Sea-foam Bird”

Is my desire to write The Gates to Illvelion a form of procrastination? Should I take a break from Avalon Summer until I finish writing The Gates to Illvelion? Should I write them both in tandem? Should I just keep The Gates to Illvelion as a plot point in Avalon Summer and leave off writing anything beyond these chapter titles?

I just came up with these chapter titles today, so maybe I need to give myself time to see if this is a real possibility or just my excitement overwhelming me right now.

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