Category: complaining (Page 1 of 2)

Knowing Stuff

February 6, 2025 / / 0 Comments

I’m trying hard not to frame this is a “back in my day” vs. “kids these days” thing. I don’t know that people back in the day were more culturally literate than they are today. I suspect not. And cultural literacy changes as culture changes, so the references to things that meant a lot to my parents’ generation or my generation may simply be outdated and that’s cool.

But I do think there’s value to knowing stuff. Not necessarily pop culture ephemera that may wax and wane depending on the year, but deeper stuff. Mythologies. History. Arts and culture that have withstood the test of time. Not just European and American culture either. All cultures and art that are part of the great human repository of imagination and ideas.

But knowing stuff is important. Knowing stuff is how we come to know more stuff; it’s how we come to create more stuff and imagine more stuff and do more stuff.

When I listen to my children talk about their school days, when I see what the curriculum is at our school’s curriculum night, I’m always struck by how little time is given to science and social studies. I often wonder if they are learning about great artists and art movements, great composers and musical genres, mythology, folklore, history, etc.

I really should ask; that’s on me as a parent for not inquiring. I should ask because I do wonder. I think the reason I don’t ask is because I’m afraid the answer is, “Not much.”

Again, I’m not saying things were better when I was in elementary school. I was naturally inclined to be curious about stuff like Greek mythology and the Middle Ages, so I read a lot of that stuff on my own. I can’t disentangle what was my own study from what we did in school. My memory’s not that good.

Natalie Wexler’s The Knowledge Gap book posits that the lack of content-based curricula in American schools has been a detriment to education overall, and maybe I’m inclined to agree because of my own biases in the matter. But when I speak to my high school students about things I assume they know — like who the Greek Olympian gods are, or where Iran is, or what art movement we associate with Vincent Van Gogh, or when World War I took place — I’m always astounded by what they don’t know. I suspect that Wexler’s book is on to something.

Again, I’m not saying it hasn’t always been thus. My high school teachers were probably appalled by the ignorance of my generation too.

But even if this is not a new problem, I still kinda, sorta think it’s a problem. Or, if not a “problem,” then at least something we could try to address.

For my older son, who is in second grade, the lack of any systematic delivery of content and information has been a detriment to his enjoyment of school since almost the beginning. He finds school boring partly because he wants to KNOW STUFF and his school doesn’t seem to be able to deliver the goods. He’s immensely curious about geography, prehistory, paleontology, archeology, earth science, and biology. He’s curious about mythology and folklore and monsters. We provide him with books, let him watch documentaries, share our knowledge with him in conversation, but these are all things that happen outside of school. For him, school is almost a distraction from the real learning, which he does on his own at home.

I’m not particularly worried about my children when it comes to cultural knowledge-y stuff. As their parents, we’re able to provide what doesn’t seem to be coming from the school.

But as a teacher, I do kinda, sorta do worry and wonder what I can do to help. I suppose I might give students a chance to learn this information in my own classroom. I’ll admit, this feels daunting because I’m supposed to be “covering” all kinds of other stuff, like how to write. And it’s also daunting because the way we learn about stuff now is to search the internet, and I’m more and more convinced that what we really need to do is go back into the children’s section of the public library and read those books instead.

I wish my high school had a portal that could take my students directly to the local library so they could easily read books and magazines instead of websites. We don’t even have a library in the school where I teach. The access to books is incredibly limited. Even if I wanted to have my students study Greek mythology, we have no ability to do so without hopping on the internet.

Perhaps the solution is to design a research project that demands they use only books. It’s possible. But as with all things education, there’s the question of, “Is this worth it? Is this the best use of our time?” I don’t know the answer. I do know I like books, and there’s more to be learned from reading a stack of non-fiction kids’ books than we might realize.

And yes, I sound incredibly stuffy by simply rejecting the internet out of hand. I understand the Luddite vibes I’m giving off.

I don’t care. I think we need to do some kind of RESET with our students. Give them a solid base of “stuff” — learned from books — before we let them back onto the web. Once they have that base, they can be more discerning and critical about what they encounter online (though nothing’s foolproof); but the goal isn’t to help them figure out which websites are “trustworthy” and which are not. The goal is to get them some knowledge about the world. A base with which to start. Then they can start the process of being critical about sources and biases.

Or not. Maybe I’m just cranky. These are the times in which the so-called problems of education seem insurmountable, and yet, maybe all of this is a tempest in a teapot and none of it really matters.

I do feel an urge to set some general principles and challenge the students to follow them.

  1. If you have a question, sit with it for a while and try to come up with your own answers before looking elsewhere.
  2. If you have a question, have sat with it for a while, and are ready to seek answers outside of yourself, look in a book first. Look in lots of books. Go to the library and ask the librarian for help in finding these books. Also, as an option, TALK to a trusted someone who is more knowledgeable and wiser than you.
  3. After reading books and talking to others, go back into your own thoughts and consider what you’ve learned. Weigh it all against your own ideas. Ask more questions and repeat the steps.
  4. Old books are good to consult. Magazines and newspapers (in print) can count too.

I’m not sure if these general principles are even feasible in this day and age. But they might be worth the challenge. I should challenge myself to follow them too.

What’s the stuff I don’t know? What’s the knowledge I could use a refresher on? Which section of the children’s library should I explore first?

I Like Essays!

January 19, 2025 / / 0 Comments

“Listen, we all hate reading essays. Nobody likes reading essays. Nobody likes writing essays either.”

This was spoken by an English teacher at a conference I attended earlier this week.

I knew what he meant. I think we all knew what he meant. I’m not trying to be obtuse by ignoring the context of his statement. But when he expressed his aversion to both reading and writing essays, I couldn’t help but shake my head.

Yes, I know he was talking about student essays (as far as the reading part goes), and he was primarily talking about the literary analysis-type essay. And I know that as far as the writing of essays comment, he was also talking about the essays he probably wrote in school, i.e.: the literary analysis-type essays.

Again, I’m not trying to be obtuse.

But behind the context, I think this teacher was expressing something all-too-common in our world, so utterly shaped by formal education as it is, and that is the idea that essays — both as a genre of writing and a genre of reading — are boring.

And yet, I read essays nearly every day — not student essays — and I read them for fun, of my own volition. And also, if that weren’t enough, I also write essays many times a week. I may call them “blog posts” or whatever, but they are nevertheless essays. They are non-fiction works of prose exploring an idea or topic. This, right here, that you are reading, is an essay!

Teachers and schools are the main culprits in this slandering of the essay. We’ve set up school and the way we teach writing to utterly suck all joy out of writing essays. And we hardly ever give students fun essays to READ (meaning essays with voice and opinion and about interesting topics), and even when we do occasionally give them such essays, we don’t encourage them to write something similar with just as much voice and opinion and interest. The best we do is give them the personal narrative essay assignment, but often enough, we don’t show them any personal narrative essays that are fun to read. If students are lucky, they’ll get to read some in an AP Lang class, but most students, unfortunately, do not take that class.

So they (and their teachers) are stuck with this notion that an essay must be this planned-out thing, with five paragraphs, intro/body/conclusion, all life and interest sucked out of it, and not worth anyone’s time.

I’m guilty of it too. Partly because the expectation from both parents and students is that “real” writing is learning how to write literary analysis; the only writing that matters is the kind of writing that college professors in the humanities will ask of students. But even college professors in the humanities don’t necessarily want these kinds of essays! But parents and students think they do.

And even more than that, the literary analysis essay can, in fact, be a wonderful thing to both write and read, once the writer lets go of this notion that it is a drudge, and the reader actually reads one worth reading.

Some of the most fun I’ve ever had in my reading experience has been reading essays by folks like Susan Sontag or Roger Ebert or Joan Didion or David Foster Wallace. Whip-smart people with idiosyncratic opinions who can write in inimitable voices: What’s not to like?

My students are always astounded when we read some crazy essay from the pages of The Best Non-Required Reading series, and I point out that, yes, that thing you just read is an ESSAY. That brilliant piece of writing about Tonya and Nancy is an ESSAY. Essays are fun to read. They can be incredibly fun to write if you push aside the notion that they are some sort of school exercise but are instead the way people communicate their ideas, knowledge, and opinions to others through writing.

Half the stuff we watch on Youtube are “essays.” People talking to the camera their thoughts and opinions about a topic. If you were to take the spoken words and put them on paper, you’d pretty much have an essay. And there is absolutely nothing about the essay as a form that says you have to be objective or remove all personal voice or treat it like a lab report. Some essays might need to be written like that, but surely not all. The essay is one of the most flexible and versatile of non-fiction genres there are. To reject the essay is to say, “I don’t like reading about other people’s ideas or opinions.” What kind of dull, incurious person would you be if you said that?

Anyway, I’m still annoyed with this idea that essays are “boring.” And if we all know the type of essays that get assigned in school are boring to write and read, then why on earth do we keep assigning them? Why do we keep approaching the art of essay writing as if it’s some bland, cookie-cutter thing?

I’m all for teaching students about how to support their claims with evidence. I’m all for teaching students how to connect their ideas through a line of reasoning. I’m all for teaching students how to write a thesis. But NONE of these things are boring unless the ideas in the essay are boring. So maybe we can also help students realize that they have the power to write about interesting things. We simply have to stop demanding dullness and give them the freedom to write what they want.

Yes, yes, we need that essay on The Great Gatsby because we’re reading Gatsby and how else can we ensure the students read Gatsby unless we make them write an essay about Gatsby?

Okay, fine. Write about Gatsby. I have no issue with an essay about Gatsby. But let the student choose the purpose of the essay. Let them choose the audience and which voice is appropriate for that audience. And then let them write based on those choices.

A persuasive essay to the English teachers of America to stop making kids read The Great Gatsby.

A personal narrative about how you used Sparknotes and other internet sources to skip reading the novel and still fooled your teacher, and how this kind of thing is fairly common (and I bet even your English teacher has done this before in her time as a student), and why reading Sparknotes can be a good thing, actually, because at least you have some cultural knowledge about Gatsby even if you didn’t read it.

A character analysis where you compare Nick Caraway to the month of December. Or Daisy Buchanan to Las Vegas.

A profile on a modern-day Tom Buchanan, some rich asshole who gets away with everything, and in the process of said profile, you indict the entire American obsession with billionaires and the destruction it has wrought.

I don’t know: there are lots of ways to write an essay about Gatsby that aren’t just “What does the green light symbolize?”

Or, you know, don’t write about Gatsby at all and let the students write about something else. If you’re worried that they need to prove their knowledge of Gatsby, give them a test. Don’t slander the essay in your attempts to assess their reading.

And before we even get to these kinds of literary essays, we should be letting students experience the fun of writing about things that interest them, things they have opinions about, so they can learn that essays are not boring. We should encourage them to write with more voice and personality first before we show them how to tweak that voice to fit the purpose and audience of something intended to be more “academic.” The academic essay is only one type. Let’s get them comfortable with the others first before we move into the headier and more challenging ones.

Let them love essays the same way they might love writing stories or poems. Then they might come to love the literary analysis too. Tell them they’re writing the script for a Youtube video analyzing some random Easter egg in their favorite TV series. After they do it, tell them they wrote an analytical essay. Or have them write an essay analyzing the lyrics of one of their favorite songs. Then tell them that’s the same thing others do when they write about books or poems. That this writing is what we call “literary analysis.” But give them choice. Let them write from their interests. Let them see that the “essay” does not have to follow some made-up “format,” and that it doesn’t have to “be” any certain length. Let both the students and their essays be free from all this useless baggage.

I only learned this when I started blogging. I had kind of learned it in my own AP Lang class as a student, and thankfully it stuck with me through college and adulthood, where I learned that I could write college essays about things that interested me and in my own style as long as I was aware of what my professors expected and didn’t veer too off-course.

But once I started my own blog and wrote about topics that interested me in whichever way I pleased, that’s when I really began to see that essay writing was so much more than academic writing. The lessons of my AP Lang class resurfaced and I saw that this was “real-world” writing. I could do this for an audience. I could do it for money. I could do it simply because I had things to say and the essay was my avenue for saying them. And people — people I had never met before in my life — would read them. For fun.

I like essays. I like to read them, and I like to write them. And I feel bad for anyone who hasn’t had such freewheeling pleasures.

Typing Offline

January 16, 2025 / / 0 Comments

I really want to get a classroom set of word processing machines for my students to type up their drafts after working in their notebooks. Many of them struggle with writing legibly, and they like the comfort of the spell-check function (I know I do too!).

But I don’t want them accessing the internet, partly because it is distracting and takes them out of flow, but also, more immediately, because some (many?) students have decided to use ChatGPT (and equivalent) to “help” them do their work.

I’m so adamantly opposed to LLM (and other forms of generative “AI”) that I want to remove all temptation and access. If they want to use it in their non-school lives or as adults, I can’t stop them, and whatever, God speed, I guess. But in my classroom, where I value human work and the connection that comes from sharing our written thoughts and stories with others, I want an “AI”-free zone.

Also, I cannot believe more people aren’t talking about the environmental and energy-related issues that come from these AI companies. It’s staggering! All so we can have ChatGPT write fan letters for us? It’s insane. Talk about a solution in need of a problem.

If I was given a fan letter written by some LLM, I would not only be uninterested in it, I would be deeply saddened that someone even thought I would want to read what some language-predictor machine burbled up from its store of (copyright-protected, by the way, and nobody gave it permission to use those) words.

It’s all so meaningless. That’s what saddens me about students turning in “AI”-generated essays and creative writing. It’s a waste of my time. I don’t care about “perfect” grammar or sentences that “sound” good but are devoid of any real meaning or human feeling. I want to know what my students THINK — what THEY think — about their own ideas and experiences.

Of course, what hampers all of this and drives students to use ChatGPT is grading. Once a grade is involved, the pressure is on to get that A, so they will do whatever they need to in order to achieve it. When you try to de-center grading in the classroom, they don’t see the point in trying and don’t do any work. It’s the conundrum of modern schooling. The grade is all that matters; it’s the currency that allows students to get into college, and then once in college, it’s the currency that allows them to graduate and get a job.

Writing, for instance, often has little-to-no importance for students. They don’t see the point other than it’s another hoop to jump through. Sadly, I’ve seen students not even care when the writing piece is something personal or something they’ve chosen to write about. They still don’t see the value.

This is not every student, mind, not by a long shot, but it’s enough to be discouraging. And it’s also enough that it makes me want to get a classroom set of THESE so that students can still type their words, but they must type THEIR words and not the words of some machine.

Anyway, I need about $7000 for a classroom set of twenty. Not sure how to get a grant or donation to pay for that (I’m not even sure the company who makes the word processors has twenty of them waiting around for some random teacher to buy), but it’s a goal for me this year.

I want to emphasize the process of writing, the tactile quality of writing by hand, of communicating through words and pictures, comics, collage, letters written in one’s own hand, doodles, and yes, even typed stuff, but typed stuff that is typed on a keyboard and generated by a human mind and heart.

I want to center our humanity in the classroom this year. Learning is about more — so much more — that getting a grade, getting into college, getting a job. I want to help my students NOT surrender their humanity to a machine.

And I want to hear the clickety-clack of keys typing without any interference from the internet or the corporations who want us all to “embrace” a technology we didn’t ask for. That’s my rant for the new year. Now how can I find seven grand?

Fantasy Lit Is Basically Prestige TV

November 12, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Perhaps I’m slow on the uptake, but when I read Jared Shurin’s observation about the influence prestige TV dramas have had on fantasy novels over the last decade, I knew immediately that he’d put into words that overwhelming but unnameable feeling I’ve been having since forever about fantasy fiction and why I feel so out of step with what’s going on in the current literary landscape.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy prestige TV shows. I watched Game of Thrones. I used to write weekly recaps/reviews of Mad Men for a film website. I will go to the grave saying The Americans is the best fucking show ever made. I like all these programs and others too. I’m in favor of well-made serialized dramas on my TV screen.

But what I’m not so in favor of, I guess (thought I’m stilling working this out within my own brain), is the transformation of books into text-based TV shows, and particularly fantasy fiction, which AS FANTASY, has the capacity to go beyond what can be perceived with our eyes and into the realms of dreaming and language and, well, the fantastic, i.e.: that which cannot be understood with our senses but goes beyond those limits, and that if we surrender the literary landscape to the grammar of cinematic storytelling (of which, I must note, I’m a huge fan), we’re on our way to losing something special in our written stories, something that we might not even remember existed if we keep aping the structure and conventions of TV and movies.

What I’m really getting at, I think, is that while I’ve certainly loved books like Black Sun and She Who Became the Sun and The City We Became and This Is How You Lose the Time War, I can also TOTALLY see them as TV shows, and that’s not just because at this point in our history we can pretty much see any book as a TV show eventually. It’s because these books (yes, even Time War) follow the structure and storytelling conventions of prestige television almost perfectly. Multiple viewpoints (aka the A story, B story, and C story of a TV show), sequences and chapters that could very easily translate into a single episode of a show, and the kind of complex characterization that makes for juicy roles top-notch actors want to play.

None of this is a criticism by the way. Again, I LIKE this stuff.

But it’s only one way to tell a story. And for fantasy — a genre in which the only thing limiting the author are the made-up rules of her own made-up secondary world — it feels like we’ve traded something expansive for something rather more… limited.

Look, I get it. Conventions change. Reader expectations change. Prestige TV is dope as shit, so why wouldn’t we want our books to do the same thing?

But then I read something like Tolkien’s Unfinished Tales (or, like, “Smith of Wooten Major”), or John Bellairs’s The Face in the Frost, or a Clark Ashton Smith short story, and I’m like, “This could be a TV show, but in doing so, a lot would have to change.” The translation from written word to cinematic image would be just that: a translation. And something would be lost in the process.

Talented filmmakers could certainly make something of these stories, and they might even be genius things, but they would be fundamentally different things from the written literature.

Think about the previous Narnia movie adaptations, and consider what might come of Greta Gerwig’s forthcoming attempts, and then go back and reread the Chronicles of Narnia. It’s not that they are “unfilmable” or some such nonsense. They are perfectly adaptable to cinema.

But the cinematic versions would need to alter the literary ones. Choices would need to be made that go beyond just, “What should we cut for time?”

This was the particular talent of Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Phillippa Boyens when they adapted The Lord of the Rings to the screen. They made a lot of changes, and whether you think those changes were necessary or not, they resulted in three movies that are pretty fucking great, both as adaptations of the source material and as movies in their own right.

And then think about how sloggy and stilted something like Chris Columbus’s Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is. Rowling was still writing in the age before all our base are belong to prestige TV.

Not that anyone writing in the 20th or 21st century can escape the influence of cinema entirely, but the prestige TV template hadn’t quite solidified yet in the 1990s and early 2000s. It was starting to (I’m looking at you George R.R. Martin, former TV writer… I mean, is it any wonder Game of Thrones became one of the most successful prestige shows of the last twenty years? It’s like the guy knew how to write things that would play well on TV!), but the influence of television on our literary landscape wasn’t quite as ubiquitous as it is now.

Movies? Yes.

But HBO-style TV, with its multiple viewpoints and intersecting story lines and character-focused narratives, not so much.

That’s why it was so important to get it right when taking a book and making it into a movie. So much could go wrong in that translation.

But now, book to (small) screen feels almost effortless. Sure, we may have to cut here and condense there, but in the main, it’s all right there on the page. A show bible ready-made.

I know I sound grumpy about it, and maybe I am, but I also know that I love these books-that-could-be-TV-shows-because-TV-shows-are-how-we-tell-stories-now. I really, really like a lot of these fantasy series! And yes, I would totally watch the TV adaptation if/when it comes out.

But I also kind of like the omniscient narrator? And stories with just one viewpoint character? And fantastical elements that defy visualization? And maybe stories with characters that are maybe a little “flat” (hello, Conan!) but are still awesome anyway because fantasy is a genre that delivers on maybe more than just deep characterization.

Like, maybe, drama and snappy dialogue aren’t the things I always need from my fantasy. Maybe I need weirdness. And wonder. And a strangeness that cannot be translated to the TV screen. And something older, like a fairy tale. And not the new kind where everyone is a fully-realized, three-dimensional person with motivations and psychological depth, but the old kind, where everyone is an archetype and acts weird AF sometimes, and we just accept it because we don’t need psychological realism in our Grimm.

I don’t know. I’m just thinking through some stuff, I guess.

But man, when I read Shurin’s point about prestige TV, it was like the scales fell from my eyes. It’s why I’m a bit out of step both as a writer and a reader. I like prestige TV, and I like the way modern fantasy novels are written, but I also like the old stuff too, the less prestige-y stuff. The weird stuff and the ancient. I kinda wish we could have more of it. Maybe we do, and I’m not reading it (highly possible). If it is, I want to know. I want to read something that can only be read, that lives in words best of all and isn’t a word-version of something practically cinematic.

Fantasy is expansive. I don’t want it narrowed down to a set of storytelling conventions that emerged from only one form of media.

However, as Shurin points out, it IS “slightly reductive” to reduce all currently-popular fantasy literature to this one thing, and it’s not as if This Is How You Lose the Time War (or insert other popular novel) is merely a film treatment. That IS too reductive, and something like Time War is also an epistolary novel, which has a long and venerable tradition that predates TV by a long shot. So maybe my griping is taking things too far. Maybe I need to chill.

Nevertheless, our society is a cinematic one. The moving image dominates our thoughts and dreams and our entertainment, and as Shurin predicts, the next great influence on fantasy literature will be (video) gaming, so yeah, we can’t escape the image makers. I’m intrigued by the ways gaming can influence our literary storytelling, so again, it’s not that I’m opposed to this sort of cross-pollinating. I’m just wondering: Is it possible to have a successful (i.e.: widely read) fantasy novel these days that doesn’t get its storytelling paradigm from prestige TV (or video games or INSERT NEW VISUAL MEDIUM HERE)? We still read classic fantasy, yes, but those books have the backing of time and reputation. We read them because we’ve been told we should read them, or because age bestows a kind of authority.

Like with so many things, a throwback — a new piece of art that hearkens to an earlier form — can be seen either as a delightfully retro oddity or as simply “out of step.” But these throwbacks are catering to a niche crowd, to those who intentionally seek out the strange and “arty.” The popular stuff, the stuff that garners widespread attention, fits itself (most often) within the current paradigm. It might do things a little differently, but not too different. There’s a sweet-spot that such things often hit — the spot between familiar and new — that is precisely what makes them both popular and critically acclaimed. This is the way of things. There’s no sense yelling at the clouds about it. It always has been and always will be.

What I wonder is if we can ever again escape the velocity of cinematic storytelling when it comes to literature. Or does the moving image (in whatever form, even gaming) simply have too much allure. Has our collective imagination been too thoroughly colonized by cinema to ever go back (or forward) to something else? Do we even want to try something else? Maybe it’s just me, the weird freak who wants more flat characters and overt “telling” in my fantasy novels, and is kind of sick of snappy dialogue, and pines for the omniscient narrator. Not all the time, but sometimes. The dictates of the market are one thing; what fantasy literature has the potential to be is something else.

Early Morning Writer

April 21, 2023 / / 2 Comments

I’ve been trying to start this habit for AGES. Everyone who works and has kids seems to swear by waking up in the wee hours of the morning and getting their writing done before anyone else is up. They make the sacrifice to go to bed earlier, or simply give up some of their sleep, so they can devote time to their writing.

It sounds like a good solution, right? If life is busy and there’s no time for pursuing one’s creative work during the day or evening, then get up before dawn and do the work then. Simple. Effective. Before you know it, you’ve written a novel in your little early morning productivity hour.

Except, I have always struggled with this strategy. I can train myself to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier (or, as often happens, sacrifice my sleep), but what I cannot do is form coherent, interesting, or evocative sentences in the pre-dawn hours. I just can’t. My brain doesn’t have any thoughts or ideas that early in the morning. 6:00 a.m. is for shaking the fuzz out of my head, not for making up stories.

And if I wasn’t going to be an early morning writer, then I’d have to be a night time writer, slinking down to the computer after putting the kids to bed and trying to plunk out a few plot points before exhaustion claimed me. But that’s just it: by the time night rolls around I’m EXHAUSTED and cannot form many coherent thoughts either.

I know this sounds like a lot of whining, but there’s a somewhat happy ending here. You see, today, I tried again with the morning writing thing. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. and headed down to the writing computer, and I told myself I wasn’t going to do anything else but write fiction. No writer’s notebook. No reading. No nothing. Just plunk those keys to make some sentences and write the next line in the story. I was going to force myself to write, and by some kind of miracle, I did! I wrote about 800 words in a little less than an hour.

Now, this was just one day, and one day doesn’t make a pattern or a habit. But I figure if I keep doing this every day, if I keep forcing myself to write (even if the writing is crap-ay), then over time, my mind and body will be trained to associate early morning wake ups with heading down to the computer to write.

This kind of pattern/habit building happened to me recently with my back injuring in late December. I was in so much pain (mostly down my leg due to my nerve being pinched) that the only relief I could get was to walk slowly around the house. I had to do — I mean I HAD to do it or I would be in excruciating pain — and because I did it every day without fail when I woke up in the morning, I started doing it automatically. Alarm goes off, do some stretches, roll out of bed, start walking. I used that walking time to listen the the Liturgy of the Hour, so that became part of my daily ritual as well.

And after fourteen weeks of waking up and walking around the house every dang morning, I find that I simply cannot start the day without doing it. My brain doesn’t even make the conscious decision anymore. I get out of bed and start walking. That’s just what I do.

I’m hoping to develop the same pattern/habit with my writing in the morning. Just like my walking, I don’t have to do it perfectly. Most of my morning walks are me hobbling along at a snail’s pace just to get my back and legs feeling normal again. It’s not pretty. But it doesn’t have to be pretty. The walking is what’s important, and the repetition that builds the habit.

So tomorrow, after I wake up and walk, I’ll head downstairs to the computer and start typing. I’ll write anything — a new short story, the continuation of an old one, the prologue to a novel, a random sentence in the middle of my work-in-progress — and I won’t think too hard or too much about it. I’ll just force myself to write, just like I had to force myself to walk despite the agonizing pain.

Knowing that I have to be a little hard on myself to keep the pattern going, it will be worth it if I can change this aspect of my writing process and work habits.

Today’s only the first day. Maybe after I’ve been at it for a week or two, I’ll revisit how this experiment is shaping up. I hope I can make it stick this time.

Substack, Notes, Time, and Attention

April 14, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Substack — the platform I use to publish my monthly newsletter — has been introducing a range of different services lately, including a Chat option and now something called “Notes,” which is a bit like Twitter, minus the hellscape stuff.

(They also have an app which you can use to read newsletters, participate in chats, and now follow and read Notes. I guess an app was inevitable, but the whole “app” thing is just annoying to me. It’s another way to keep people in constrained ecosystems instead of allowing them the freedom of the entire internet. Whatever, I’m just old, I guess.)

I haven’t used Chat yet, and I’m not sure how I feel about Notes either, though I do welcome healthier alternatives to places like Twitter.

But that’s just the thing. Is Substack’s Notes going to be healthier for society, and for people individually? I suppose if Notes stays committed to Substack’s goal of being a place for quality writing, meaning they’ll avoid adding all the features that have made Twitter and Facebook and the rest of the major social media sites so damaging to our psyches, it’ll be fine. I guess. Maybe. Like I said, a healthier alternative to Twitter is generally a good thing.

But does being healthier than Twitter mean actually healthy and good? Twitter (and other social media sites) have business models that incentivize bad behaviors and content. No doubt about that. But even if they reformed their ways to be less toxic, does it really benefit society overall to have everybody jawing away on the internet, scrolling through feeds and threads and all the rest of it, commenting on other people’s posts, and generally spending huge chunks of time online consuming media?

I say this as someone who has spent a huge chunk of her life since her early twenties scrolling through feeds and threads and consuming media. I know the allure. I have found much worthwhile and beneficial content by scrolling through threads. I used to love the old Twitter when it was mostly me following a bunch of old movie fans and critics who wrote about arts and culture, and I learned a lot and met cool people.

But I can’t help feeling like we’re still trading away our attention and our time to activities that are not as enriching or as sustaining as other things. I’ve long been a fan of blogs, and I’m a fan of newsletters now, because these are usually longer and more sustained forms of communication. They’re more like reading the newspaper or a magazine. There might be a conversation in the comments section, and that’s great. But the comments are always there, at the bottom of the post, waiting to be discovered by any reader at any time now or in the future, and I can choose to engage with those comments or not based on my own time and attention. Both the blog post and the comments are in a fixed place within the internet ecosystem. They are there for me to discover weeks, months, or even years from now.

But social media sites — even better ones like Substack’s Notes — are still social media sites. They still operate on a FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) basis. The conversation is on-going, and if you don’t keep up with it everyday, and devote lots of time to scrolling and commenting (or maybe just lurking), then you will miss out on… well, on something. We all celebrate the “conversations” that happen on these sites, but a conversation happens in real-time; it’s a temporal experience.

(Yes, okay, I can always go back and read an old Twitter thread or whatever. I understand that. But to really optimize what Twitter, and now Notes, is all about, you need to join the conversation as it’s happening, not months from now. A comments section on a blog or newsletter is similar, but a good comments section becomes a text unto itself, and I can read through one without feeling a need to comment or participate. And also, due to the more permanent nature of newsletters and blogs, we understand that the conversation that might stretch for days, and even if I write a comment months later, someone might still read it because those posts are waiting in the archives for anyone to read at anytime. Social media sites, on the other hand, move too quickly, and they are meant to be interacted with on the daily, so going back to an old Twitter thread and leaving a reply is pretty pointless. No one’s going to see it. You might say no one’s going to see a comment on a year-old blog post, and perhaps in most cases that’s true, but I can tell you that many, MANY times I have stumbled upon someone’s blog from years ago, and I’ve read those comments, and many of them have been helpful. That really never happens with a social media site unless I already know the post and the thread I’m looking for.)

Anyway, I don’t want to be too Debbie Downer about Substack’s Notes platform, but I’m not ready to race over and give it my time and attention. It’s the new, flashy thing on the block and everyone appreciates Substack’s subscription-based business model, so we’re all eager to support this Notes thing too.

(And for the record, I think the subscription model is great, though I’m not sure how sustainable Substack’s version of it is in the long run, because there are many newsletters I read for free only because I can’t afford to pay $35 to $50 per year for twenty different newsletters. If Substack would let us lower the subscription fee to $5 per year for our newsletters, I’d probably become a paid subscriber to nearly all the free newsletters I get now. But with a yearly subscription being at minimum $30, it’s just impossible for me to give money to all the writers whose work I enjoy.)

But I avoid social media sites precisely because they are time-sucks for me. They’re the reading equivalent of sugar — tasty and fun, but not very filling — and when time and attention are limited, I don’t want to consume these empty calories. I want something substantial. There are times when a post and thread on Reddit are really great reading with useful information (these are usually the RPG/OSR posts, because people are there to share ideas), and there are times when someone on Twitter (and now Notes) will post a link to a great article. But you know what? I can post links to articles here on my blog too. And so can everyone else. We don’t need a social media app to share links to cool articles. So if Notes is just about sharing links, then why don’t we share links in our newsletters? I mean, many of us already do this!

I don’t see the benefit to Notes (for me personally), other than it’s a “nicer,” “safer” social media space. Again, that’s good, as far as it goes, but it’s not something I really need in my life. I know as a writer and indie publisher, I’m shooting myself in the foot AGAIN by not jumping on the discoverability/marketing bandwagon of social media, but I just can’t bring myself to spend my time doing something that leaves me so unsatisfied. I don’t begrudge anyone using Notes or Substack’s Chat or anything else, but it’s just not for me. I like my blogs and my newsletter and my early 2000s iteration of the internet. And yeah, okay, I like my RPG/OSR subreddits.

But I gotta be picky when it comes to my time and attention. The older I get, the more precious these things become. And Substack’s new features don’t interest me. I’m cool with writing and reading newsletters, and I don’t feel much need to join in the latest “thing.” Especially when that thing takes my attention away from the other things I already like.

I guess I did feel a need to get this rant off my chest, though. Sorry about that!

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