Author: JennyDetroit (Page 36 of 51)

Do I need to have something to write about?

I often tell my students that in order to write they don’t have to have “something to say.” Instead of trying to figure out what to write, they should just write, and let the act of writing help them discover their own thoughts. Writing is magical in this way. Even if we don’t have “something to write about,” when we put pen to paper and start writing, even if it’s just “blah, blah, blah, I don’t know what to write,” if we keep going, if we keep moving the pen, then eventually, our thoughts start to form, they go from being invisible to visible, from formless blobs into recognizable shapes.

This happened to me recently during a training session for 826Michigan. We had to write about a moment when we learned something, and I honestly couldn’t think of any such moment. I’m sure I’ve had many, but as I sat there in the midst of the training session, my mind was a total blank. I wracked my brain for something, anything to write about, but nothing was coming, and the timer on the computer screen was ticking. So instead of waiting for that “something” to appear fully-formed in my head, I just started writing. I wrote about how I couldn’t think of anything, of how I was sure I’d learned many, many things in my life, but no particular moment stood out, and on and on I wrote, very stream-of-consciousness. And then — as I’ve told my students so often before — suddenly an idea came into my head, as I was writing. The writing pulled the memory out of my head: a memory I NEVER would’ve thought of, even if I had sat and thought for hours.

But here’s the kicker: Even though I tell my students about this phenomenon, about how writing IS thinking, and that we don’t have to wait until we have something to say, that we can just start writing and let ourselves think on the page, even though I preach this over and over, I STILL end up forgetting it when it comes to my own writing, to my own craft. Physician, heal thyself!

For a long time now, I’ve wanted to start blogging everyday, but as you might see if you scroll down through this page, I have not been particularly successful at reaching this goal. There are spurts here and there, where I manage to write for a few days in a row, or nearly. But then there are huge gaps. Weeks. Months. I backslide continually. And then I always resolve to get back on the horse and try again. Which is good, in a way. But despite my best intentions and resolve, the thing that trips me up is that I don’t know what to write about. I come up with schemes (“write a poem everyday for thirty days!”), but they never work. I’m afraid to write those thirty poems because most days, I don’t know what to write about. I don’t have anything to say. So I don’t put my fingers on the keyboard because I don’t have any ideas. It’s the same problem as the one I had in that training session: I can’t think of anything. My mind is blank.

But what I’ve missed is the simple, true fact that writing IS thinking. I don’t need to have anything to write about. I can just write. I can write and let ideas come as they may, and in that act of writing, I will discover what I have to say. Just as I’m doing right now. When I sat down at my computer this evening, I had no idea what I would blog about, I only knew that I needed to blog. If I was going to make “blog everyday” a thing, then I needed to do it. Not think about it, not wait for an idea, not even try to come up with an idea. I simply needed to start writing.

Metaphors: Writing as rambling, wandering. Writing as discovery. Writing as a physical act, not just a mental one.

And here I am, blogging. Writing. I tell my students all the time, “To ‘essay’ means to find one’s way.”

(I stole this quote from Barb Rebbeck and my high school AP Lang teacher).

I need to remember my own advice.

I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter

I lonely mailmanwas reading The Lonely Mailman with my kids the other day, and I started getting wistful about letter-writing.  I used to have a pen-pal when I was in middle school. He was Italian and lived in a city outside of Milan. We traded letters and sent each other pictures. He even sent me a mixed tape once! It was always so exciting getting his letters in the mail.

Honestly, getting letters and packages in the mail might be one of the best “ordinary” things we can experience in our lives. The mail comes six days a week, sure, but usually it’s junk or bills. But when we get a birthday card from someone, or an unexpected present, there’s always so much joy upon opening the mailbox and finding this small surprise. Think about why there are so many mail-order subscription services these days. And why people still subscribe to magazines. Getting stuff in the mail is fun. And getting a letter — a real letter, not just a card — from a friend or family member or pen-pal is a particular treat. It’s something wholly unique, and written in someone’s own hand, and bearing their own news and greetings. It’s marked with the stamp of care and time — the time it took to write, the care with which it was written. It really is a great act of friendship and love. In The Lonely Mailman, we see how precious such letters can be. Every creature in the woods is moved to a deeper friendship and understanding due to the letters they receive (I won’t spoil the surprise ending, though).

My other favorite letter-writing story is the one from Frog and Toad. If you don’t remember it (or haven’t read it), it’s basically another sweet tale of friendship, where Toad laments that he never gets any mail. Because Frog is his best friend, he decides to write Toad a letter and mail it to him. Unfortunately, Frog chooses a turtle to deliver the mail, so it takes days to arrive. But when Toad gets it, he’s  overcome with joy and gratitude. Getting a letter from a friend lets us know that we are loved.

I think I’m going to start writing letters to people again. Not sure who exactly I’ll write to (maybe my mother-in-law who lives four hours away), but I want to give it a try. I want to have the thrill of receiving something special in the mail, and even more importantly, I want to give someone else that thrill too. I think about what a world it would be if we spent more time writing each other letters, instead of emailing or texting or whatever. It might make us more charitable. Maybe more thoughtful. Definitely more connected.

Poem #5

SAM

Hi, Sam.

Sorry I didn’t pick up when you called.

I was busy.

You were waiting, I know.

You’re so patient.

You wait out in the sun,

Thinking up metaphors for birds,

Explaining with verbs the

Contours of trees.

You sing better than me,

Your voice big and wide

Like the clouds.

Me, I’m muffled.

The laundry has me choked.

Dirty dishes don’t smell as nice

As the wet leaves.

I watch you picking dandelions

And I’m jealous.

I want to braid strands of grass

And eat fresh peas.

I want to gab for hours with you

On the phone, then go for a walk,

Under your hat, laughing at the

Antic squirrels, looking out for hornets’ nests,

Singing songs, arm in arm.

I miss you, Sam. Come back to my pen;

Help me fill the page.

Nonsense or verse, you decide.

I’ll wait out in the sun this time.

 

[The prompt for this poem is as follows: “Give poetry — how you view poetry, what poetry means to you, your poetry — a name. Give poetry a personality. Maybe a gender. Personify poetry and describe him/her. Now write a poem that suits your view or vision.” I’m not sure I *quite* achieved what the prompt was asking. This poem is more about me and my relationship to poetry. I have no idea why I chose the name “Sam.” It was one of those instantaneous things. I needed a name and I just thought, “Sam.” I’m not quite sure who Sam is… Samuel means “name of God” or “God heard.” Maybe there’s something there? It’s also ambiguous. Could be man or woman. Anyway, it’s Sam.]

Poem #4

Today’s Howard Nemerov: “Fables of the Moscow Subway”

My poem was written from this prompt: “Write about something that scares you.” So far, I haven’t titled any of my poems, but this one I can’t help but call “Fear.” What I’ve written below is one of my absolute worst fears, something I pray will never happen. Even now, I pray to God that it will not happen. (I wonder if I should even share this fear. Is it too much? Too raw?)

 

Fear

When they sleep in beds at night,

In darkness, under cover cold,

I hope they’re warm, but not too much.

Too much of the furnace, aluminum stove

With cracks that spit scentless poison or worse,

And in those ever-heating rooms, a fire should burst:

The flames emerge like nightmare dragons

Their bed-sheets turn to piles of ashes,

And they, their faces streaked with tears,

Cry for me who cannot come,

A wall of hot hell between us runs,

And their shrieks die,

Rising with house-smoke to the sky.

Poem #3

Reading “Fragment From Correspondence” (Howard Nemerov).

Writing a poem using my list of the ten most beautiful words (beautiful-sounding), and ten ugliest words (ugly-sounding). I’m not sure these are really my “top ten” of either category, but they’re the ones I thought of this afternoon while my students and I worked in our writers’ notebooks.

Ten Most Beautiful:

Lyrical, aesthetic, lilting, ephemera, antiquity, bellicose, cliche, octagon, cinema, jive

Ten Ugliest:

Couch, ant, piss, volume, fat, tame, floor, socket, art, national

 

The Poem:

Judy went to the cinema. The floor was smeared in spilt pop and dried butter-salt.

She was going because she was tired of  witnessing cliche.

“Better to have artifice as an aesthetic than as a way of life,” she thought.

The lobby was a museum to ephemera: old movie posters hung like portraits in a gallery.

Garbo. Chaplin. Valentino.

“Why,” she wondered, “did the faded burgundy carpet stink of piss?”

This was an antique shop where the national past-time was embalmed.

Judy knew they wouldn’t ever screen a piece of art — only tame, fat celluloid.

Blockbusters sold tickets:

Like a wheel of cheddar, the red wax cracked open so we can watch the yellowed images crumble out.

It is tasty, though.

Fake butter doesn’t compare to real hot oil, but it has an addictive tang.

After finding a seat, the lights dim.

Not total darkness — the footlights live forever —

but enough to obscure Judy’s face, and her eye sockets deepen;

there is a glow within them as they reflect the half-images galloping across the screen.

“The volume is too loud,” she mutters as the bombs begin to drop.

The octagon pattern on the wall is the last thing she sees.

 

[Edit to add: There are lines in this poem that I like, but overall, this one is a bit of a mess. I posted it because I wanted to allow myself to have a failure, and to have it be “out there,” a.k.a. in public, so that I could get used to writing things that aren’t good. Maybe that’s stupid from a “career” standpoint, but from a creative standpoint, I think it’s important for me to get comfortable with failure. I know I have a huge problem with perfectionism, and because of my perfectionism, I’m paralyzed by fear. Any writer’s block I’ve ever had has been fear-based. The thoughts whisper through my head: “What if it’s bad? What if no one likes it? What if I suck?”

So posting this crappy poem is my way of saying, “It’s okay to suck.” I’m showing myself (and maybe others?) that bad art, bad poetry, bad writing is OKAY. And that’s why I needed to post it. I’ve written crappy stuff before in my notebooks, in Scrivener files that nobody ever sees, in old Word docs that I keep hidden. But to put the crappy stuff out there for others to read, that’s the scary thing. That’s the thing that often keeps me from trying anything new, or anything hard, or anything I don’t think I’m “good” at. Keeping my stuff hidden means that I’ve written a lot more than I’ve ever shared. This isn’t a bad thing, but it does mean that I dwell on all those judgmental thoughts in my head. I’m constantly questioning whether something is good enough to share or good enough to publish. And it’s that questioning — that doubt — which inhibits me. Blocks me. Keeps me from writing.

But once I posted this poem, I was freed. I didn’t have to worry about bad. My bad poem was out in the world, and whether others though it was bad or good didn’t matter. The poem was gone: released. And I became free to write another one, and another one, and more things, and on and on, without having to worry if they would be bad or good, just that they would BE. Once I allowed myself to fail — and fail out in the open — it meant I was allowed to write without worrying. I posted the bad poem and lived.]

Poem #2

Still reading The Collected Poems of Howard Nemerov. Still writing my own poem each day.

This time, I picked eleven words from page 29 of the book: immunized, glass, desecrated, suitcase, astride, dust, strangers, photographs, stones, tomb, and collapsed. Then I used these eleven words in my own poem:

The strangers

rode astride

the dust tombs,

stones collapsed

beneath their

pride, desecrated

by the weight

of glass,

a pound of photographs,

and nothing left

to be immunized,

only a suitcase,

empty of letters,

dripping with

sand.

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