Month: December 2024

“Rule 5: Be Self Disciplined. This Means Finding Someone Wise or Smart and Choosing to Follow Them. To Be Disciplined Is to Follow in a Good Way. To Be Self Disciplined Is to Follow in a Better Way.”

I have wise and smart people that I follow. When I stop following them, I get off-track.

Last year, I was following the pedagogy of artists like Lynda Barry, Austin Kleon, Ray Bradbury, and Sr. Corita. It wasn’t a perfect teaching year, but it was pretty darn good. Made me glad that I had returned to the classroom.

This year, I didn’t outright reject any of my “someones,” but I got a little too focused on outcomes and trying to measure up to what I thought a “good teacher” was supposed to be. I wanted even higher test scores for my students. Even greater “growth” as measured by data.

And this semester has been a tougher one as a result.

I wasn’t following in a good way. Definitely not in a better way. I wasn’t following the wise or the smart, just the “efficient.” I was doing what I thought was “necessary,” without doing what I knew was good. I was falling prey to the same “product”-focused mindset, the same “transactional” trend in education that stripped a lot of my teaching down to an unrecognizable grind.

Not good discipline. Not good discipleship.

For starters, I abandoned my practice of having students write daily in a writer’s notebook. Yes, last year I had many students who never took it seriously and treated it as busy work. But instead of experimenting this year with ways of making the notebook actually matter to more of my students, I chucked it completely. Bad discipline. I knew the notebook worked for me, for others, for lots of students both last year and years past. The solution wasn’t to stop following the practice that had sustained me in the classroom; the solution was to find ways to make it work better for myself and my students.

Similarly, I went back to letting students use their laptops much more in the classroom. Many of them utterly hated all the handwriting we did last year.

But again, I knew — from so many artists, writers, and thinkers that I admire, and from my own experience — that hand-work is good. Doing tangible, analog things with our hands and bodies is important to our minds and souls.

Instead of finding ways to make the hand-work more meaningful for students, I gave up on it.

Not good discipline.

A new semester is starting in January, and I’ve decided to get back to following in a good way. Hopefully, even, a better way.

Lone Wolf Christmas

I’ve written before about my love for the Long Wolf RPG adventure books, but it was only recently that I found out the books have been reprinted with snazzy new covers in larger paperback format.

So what did I do with my Christmas giftcards? I bought the first two in the series, of course!

When I opened the envelope the other day, my children were all very interested in these books (especially after I explained how much I loved them as a kid), but to my surprise, it was my middle child who asked if I would read the books to him so he could play. He’s not the one I would peg as being “into” fantasy the way my oldest is; I could only guess that he was intrigued by the monsters and potential for fighting. Whatever the reason, he asked several times before I had even thrown the packaging away, so after taking care of the padded envelope, he and I settled onto the couch, pencil and book in hand.

Thus began our nearly ninety-minute gaming excursion in which I got to witness the Lone Wolf books through the eyes of a child.

I had read them most recently on my own, as an adult, and while they were a nostalgic trip for me, I was approaching them with thirty-plus years of life experience and fantasy fandom and all the other things that make a grown-up a bit inoculated to the sheer joy of playing an rpg adventure book like this. I loved them for the memories they conjured, and I liked them for the old-school, somewhat simplistic fun they provided to adult-me.

But playing with my eight-year-old son was something different entirely. Each choice was a considered one, sometimes accompanied by checking the excellent and evocative map of Map of the Lastlands provided in the front, sometimes talking aloud the risks and potential rewards of the various options. My son really weighed each choice, often making his decision because something would be “nice to do” or “helpful” or “because I don’t want to hurt anybody” or simply because venturing forth into a dark tunnel under a hill would be cool.

When we faced off against monsters, and he had to point his finger at the number grid in the back, waiting for me to read the result from the Combat Results Table, there was real tension and anticipation in his face. When he scored victories, he would pump his fist and cry, “Yes!” with such beautiful innocence, that I couldn’t help being overwhelmed at seeing the pureness of his joy.

After he made each choice and waited for me to the turn the page and read the next entry, I could see him tense up, wondering if he’d made the right decision, worried that he hadn’t. And when his choice resulted in something good, the relief on his face was infectious.

I was seeing what it must have been like for me as a kid: the same anticipation, the same dread, the same relief, the same joy. I could no longer experience that innocent pleasure myself, but I could watch it on the face of my child and get a time-traveled glimpse of my own first foray into the world of Lone Wolf. I was the adult, the grown-up, the one whose emotions were a bit too calloused to fist pump after a victory against a burrow-crawler, but I could bear witness to my child’s excitement, to the gleam of wonder in his eyes, and that gleam was surely once my own, when I was eight years old and reading the Lone Wolf books, and the Endless Quest books, and the Choose Your Own Adventure books off in a corner somewhere, lost in my own world of quests and magic.

I’m glad I could give my son the experience of the Lone Wolf books, but I’m also grateful for his gift to me: the gleam in his eyes and the wonder in his smile.

Dolmenwood Solo Gaming

The best TTRPG Kickstarter from 2023 was Gavin Norman’s Dolmenwood. The whole Dolmenwood universe has been my favorite fantasy adventure gaming stuff since way back with the Wormskin zines. It’s the perfect distillation of my favorite fantastical elements–magical forests, goblins and fairies, a quasi-Medieval world that feels like an old Arthurian romance– and it’s inspired by some of my favorite fantasy art, from Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell to Tolkien’s “Smith of Wooten Major” to Ridley Scott’s Legend.

Dolmenwood is the gaming world designed to perfectly match my sensibilities. It’s a bit too dangerous, perhaps, to want to actually live in, but it comes awfully close. It’s an Elfland I’d love to occasionally visit, after falling asleep by a fairy mound and finding myself walking through a sun-dappled, autumnal forest.

Norman and a host of other indie game designers are doing some of the most interesting world-building in all of fantasy art and literature. In the case of Dolmenwood, Norman mixes in a lot of traditional fairy tale and folk lore elements, but the combination of whimsy and horror, of earthiness and strangeness, though drawing upon familiar iconography, ends up feeling singular and original. Maybe this is because original D&D was inspired more heavily by Sword and Sorcery fantasy and not fairy-tale fantasy, but I also think it comes down to the fact that Norman is so well-versed in the fairy tale and folk lore he draws upon, while at the same time adding original elements that feel as if they belong to those old tales.

The mysterious Drune, for instance, are (as far as I know) original to Dolmenwood (though they definitely have a druids-in-the-glade vibe, inspired perhaps by the clash between pagan and Christian believers in early medieval Europe), and the breggle, though drawing upon medieval traditions about goats and their connection to Satan, are nevertheless a novel concept, taking these medieval traditions and turning them into something new. The same could be said of the cat-fairies, the Grimalkins. Or the wood-grues. Or the mosslings.

Needless to say, I love Dolmenwood. Everything about the world, the game, and the way it makes me feel–that slightly topsy-turvy feeling of excitement and anticipation a kid feels on Christmas Eve–are why I don’t want to wait until I can set up a gaming group to play. I want to play it now. Solo-style.

I’m still making my way through the Player’s Handbook, but I’ve listened to enough 3d6 Down the Line podcast to understand the basics of game-play (and I’m pretty familiar with OSE rules too). My plan is to create a trio of PCs and have them travel to the mound in Winter’s Daughter. After that adventure, I’ll see where it goes.

I have a bunch of resources for solo gaming, though I don’t think I’ll need much for this Dolmenwood adventure. Using the module and the three core books should get me pretty far, and then a simple oracle (that can answer “yes/no” questions), and a couple of reaction and random encounter tables (that can answer “what kind?” questions) are all I need.

I have Knave 2e and Cairn and other game systems like World Without Number and Shadowdark that all have excellent random tables, so if I need to, I can use those tables for extra detail and randomness. But since I’m using the module Winter’s Daughter, I won’t necessarily need a lot of tools for building the dungeon or encounters.

And, of course, I have my notebook with the dot grid and some pens, pencils, and dice. Eventually I’ll have the Dolmenwood minis from the Kickstarter, but for now, I’ll settle for theater of the mind.

Playing solo from an adventure module might be a bit tricky because I need to read some portions of the module to understand how to proceed, but I don’t want to read too much and miss being surprised by what I find in each room. It means I have to pretend not to have certain knowledge at times so my characters can act freely, which is where I’ll rely on my oracle. Even if I, the player, know going into a certain room is bad news, I’ll let the oracle decide these things for my PCs so I don’t fudge them.

What I’m most excited about, especially as the icy winter descends upon my own town and fog is predicted in the forecast for Christmas, is the chance to embark on a journey into Dolmenwood, even if it’s a solo journey. Hopefully, after a few dice rolls and pencil scratches on my characters sheets, I’ll have three imaginary traveling companions, ready to trek into the mists and bramble of the tangled wood in search of an ancient tomb.

“Myths and Symbols in Pagan Europe” by H.R. Ellis Davidson

When I was reading this book, I was on fire with drafting Norse City Limits. When I stopped reading it (due to other reading obligations), the writing dried up.

Coincidence?

Ideas don’t come from thin air. At least mine don’t. Mine come from what I see, what I read, what I listen to, what I notice. When I’m reading a book that’s bursting with ideas, suddenly I’m bursting with ideas. When my reading is directed toward something related to my work-in-progress, my work-in-progress gets a boost from that reading.

And when my reading or attention shift elsewhere?

The writing does too. It shifts into that other elsewhere or it withers a bit from lack of sustenance.

Donna Tartt’s process seems right to me: read something related to your work-in-progress at the end of the day.

Of course, the lesson here is to get back to my Myths and Symbols in Pagan Europe book.

The difficulty, is that I have a growing stack of books I need to read for my winter semester classes, and a book club book, and some library books that will soon be called back to the returns bin. Making time for my weird mythology book is hard to justify.

Still. I need to justify it. I need that sustenance. That juice.

Watching more film noir will get me that juice too. I can’t keep running off the fumes of what I remember from my twenties and early thirties when my art diet consisted of a steady stream of movie noir and hard-boiled fiction. I need to dive back in. Myths and symbols, alleyways and wise guys. More jazz. More Led Zeppelin. More Thor and Odin and trolls.

I started writing NCL because of my love for both Norse mythology and film noir. But that love needs nurturing.

My fantasy writing (maybe all my writing) really thrives from using symbols, thinking about symbols, reviving and trying to breathe life into old, familiar symbols. The Davidson book is full of these: blood, birds, wood, stone, feasts, water, wolves. The mystery surrounding our understanding of these early northern European pagan peoples is part of the fun, part of the allure. Using these half-guessed at rituals and rites, tales and traditions, as the material for my story is part of why I tell stories. I want to remix and re-imagine. I think most fantasy writers do. Whereas science fiction writers are farseeing into the future, we are farseeing into the past. And then we mix it together with whatever else is swimming in our imaginations. Fantasy is a synthesis. Neither old nor entirely new. A bridge between times (and worlds).

Challenge for 2025

What’s the difference between a goal and a challenge? Honestly, I don’t know, and I don’t know if it matters.

Call it a goal or a challenge, the point is, it gives me a kick in the pants to write more, make more stuff, etc.

The perennial goal/challenge is TO BLOG EVERYDAY. I always say I will, and I never meet the challenge.

Yes, it helps me “fail to success,” but for 2025, I really want to hit that success. It would be cool. A weirdly neat accomplishment.

(And maybe I miss a day or whatever because a kid broke his arm and we ended up in the ER for twelve hours or something. But even if I miss a day, I can’t miss more than two in a row, per James Clear’s advice in Atomic Habits.)

The reality is that I need a set time in which to do this blogging. Can’t be ad hoc. My mornings are for writer’s notebook and usually fiction writing. This is the quiet time in which I am alone enough to actually get things done.

The seemingly obvious answer is to do it at night. Blog about what I worked on during the day, blog about something cool that happened or something I read. Blog about “input.”

The seemingly obvious object is that I’m dead tired at night. Also, it’s the one time my husband and I are alone and can hang out.

Maybe there’s another option?

Finding that “habit time” is the secret sauce, at least for me. Whenever I’ve moved away from designating certain times for certain habits, it hasn’t worked.

The great part about early morning writing is that it’s the one thing I can (mostly) control. Unless a child wakes up sick or I have a weird doctor’s appointment at 7:00 a.m., I can control my wake up time and my quiet, alone-time in those pre-dawn hours.

The trouble is that I can’t add daily blogging to those early-morning hours because I don’t get up THAT early. I have enough time to wake up, stretch, make school lunches, write morning pages, and then work on my fiction for, say, thirty minutes or so.

Adding blogging to that mix seems like the proverbial straw on the camel.

In the spirit of “experimentation,” I’m going to try the night thing and see how it goes. To make sure I don’t get lost down in blogging-land, I’ll set a timer and try to write in the time allotted. Fifteen minutes. Then it’s back to the living room and hanging with the hubs.

That means my blog posts might tend to be on the shorter side. Maybe that’s okay. I can write some thoughts about a topic and then return to it the next day. Serialization!

Maybe I’ll blog more fiction too. Maybe.

I don’t want the daily blogging to be tedious, boring stuff, though. That’ll be a challenge. Gonna try to “show my work.” Share my influences. Share process and quotes and ideas I’m working through (that might end up turning into Substacks). Share my solo-RPG attempts. My input.

I’m not even sure why I want to challenge myself to blog everyday, except it would feel good to do something that forced me to get a little uncomfortable, to be a little more disciplined. I need a challenge because I need to grow. It’s as simple as that.

“Rule 4: Consider Everything an Experiment”

This is one of my favorite “rules.” When I’m struggling or in doubt, I remember to think of what I’m doing as an experiment.

Case in point: For the last novel I’m teaching in my British Literature class, I decided we needed reading quizzes to keep the students honest. Earlier in the semester, I could tell that they weren’t doing their reading for Beowulf, so I knew we needed reading quizzes for our study of Frankenstein, otherwise they’d blow it off too.

I could come up with reading questions, but the difficulty with any class in which there are multiple sections AND students have a tendency to be absent (in general) (and especially when they know there’s going to be a quiz) is that I need to make multiple quizzes to avoid the plague of cheating. This means coming up sometimes with an A, B, and C quiz (and even a D quiz at times). That’s a lot of reading questions!

I have done one-question quizzes in the past to solve this issue, and three-question quizzes, etc. But it still fell to me to make multiples and that meant more work, and I’m just not as interested in making more work for myself simply to stop students from sloughing off their work.

So I experimented.

This time around, for Frankenstein, I wanted a way to ensure they did the reading–and read carefully–while also not putting a burden on myself.

Enter the “word map” quizzes.

I pick a word or phrase that has relevance to the chapter and then students have to make one of those word map/mind map spider-webby, bubble-connected thingies with all the things from the chapter that relate to that word or phrase. For nearly every chapter or group of chapters, I can think of several words/phrases that have relevance, so that solves the “multiple quizzes” problem, and this form of quiz rewards students for careful reading: I let them use their books with their annotations to do the quiz. Instead of punishing students for not reading, I reward students FOR reading and taking careful notes.

It’s not even really a quiz in that sense, but a way for them to find one of the main ideas of the text and relate as much of the text as they can to that idea. It’s a good activity for preparing them to discuss the chapter, and it’s easy for me both to create (just pick a word/phrase that goes with the chapter) and to grade.

It was an experiment–one I wasn’t sure would work–and I tried it anyway. The worst that would happen was that it flopped and I had to try something new.

But it worked, and now we have a tool that helps all of us get more out of the text than we had previously.

Students are often surprised when I do different things year-to-year. But this is because I don’t want to my classes to become rote or stale. Yes, I keep certain lessons and texts because they continue to work, year after year, but I don’t keep everything the same. I add new writing experiences or new texts or new ways of presenting information or new activities. I try something, reflect on it, maybe try it again with some tweaks, and keep iterating until it either works or until I let it go and try something else.

What’s funny about all this is that I can experiment in the classroom–and not get too upset when an experiment falls flat–but when it comes to my creative work, I often get a bit more cautious. I want to experiment in my writing, but when it comes time to experiment, I worry. Maybe my creative work matters more (to me)? Maybe I’m worried about rejection? Maybe I’m not sure whether my experiments will work or not? (Which is kind of a stupid worry because it wouldn’t be an experiment if you KNEW it was going to work…)

When I experiment in the classroom, I get almost immediate feedback from the students. I can tell when something works, when it partially works, or when it fails. I can then adjust or try something new.

But with my writing, I don’t always get that immediate feedback. How do I know if an experiment was successful or not? How do I know if I’m banging my head against the wall or doing something that surprises and delights?

I tend to be overly critical of my creative work; I’m not always the best judge of my experiments. I suppose this is why writers like Dean Wesley Smith adhere so closely to Heinlein’s rules. Another “Rule 4” in fact: “You must put it on the market.”

We can’t judge whether our creative experiments work. So we must release them and let the audience decide.

Sr. Corita’s Rule 4 doesn’t say anything about judging your experiments. Even putting one’s work out into the world is an experiment if we take Rule 4 literally: “Consider EVERYTHING an experiment.” Sharing my work is an experiment. Making my work is an experiment. Doing something else, trying a new way or the old way but differently: all are experiments.

The Rule doesn’t care about success or failure. Experimentation is an action not an evaluation.

This week, in my writing time, I tried to experiment not just with what I was writing, but with the process itself. I decided to let my whims direct me. If I felt like working on my solo RPG campaign, I did. I made some NPCs and did a little world-building, and then I decided, purely by instinct and desire, to start a short story using the prompt from this Lunar Awards Prompt Quest. Then I let myself shift to jotting down a few stray ideas for my NCL novel. Then I worked on a blog post.

Instead of trying to control my creative output, I let my Creative Voice go wherever it wanted. I found myself energized, excited, and strangely productive. I wrote a lot of words, felt connected to all my ideas and projects, and most importantly, had a lot of fun.

My experiment was to let go of what I thought I was “supposed” to do during my writing time, and instead did what felt good and was fun.

Could this be interpreted as being “undisciplined”? (I’m already looking ahead to the next Rule…)

Maybe.

But it felt less like lack of discipline and more like an embrace of the playful spirit. I let go of “shoulds” and focused instead on “wants.” It turns out, I WANT to make creative stuff and write lots of words when I abandon what I “should do” in favor of what feels fun in the moment. I didn’t waste time on the internet. I didn’t procrastinate. Instead, I followed my interests and created work in several different projects. And each of those projects fed into the other.

I allowed myself that same experimental freedom for this post too. I didn’t know I was going to write all this. Instead, I felt like now would be a good time to jot down some thoughts about Rule 4, and before I knew it, I had written 1,000-plus words. I let my inner creative desires guide me. I let the spirit of experimentation take charge. I didn’t know where this post was going to go (and maybe for the reader it’s a disorganized mess), but I let myself go there and see what would happen.

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